She almost ended up like Hannah Baker—except she survived to tell her story.
If you went to highschool in the 90’s you probably wore triangle (elephant) pants and Giordano Classics, wrote your notes on a Cattleya or Corona fillers, listened to Spice Girls, BSB and the other boybands, Heaven Knows and Right Here Waiting was your prom song, Silence of the Lambs, Beauty and the Beast, Aladdin and Terminator were your fave movies and the most high tech gadget you had were a DiscMan and a scientific calculator—although your rich classmates had pagers and the even richer ones had cellphones.
So imagine just how disoriented I felt after watching Netflix’ hit series 13 Reasons Why.
For those of you who haven’t watched it, it a series that revolves around a high school student named Clay Jensen and his friend Hannah Baker, a girl who committed suicide after suffering a series of demoralizing circumstances brought on by select individuals at her school. Before her death however, Hannah left a box of cassette tapes containing her suicide details and the thirteen reasons why she ended her life.
High school for me was a fun time, sure there was the pressure of school work and without Google and the internet, you really had to spend hours inside the library to do research. There was also the teasing, the insults and bullying, but it was nothing that a quick fistfight after class couldn’t settle. And if it really got serious, we told our parents or teachers and when the adults get involved it was the end of issue once whether you like it or not.
I don’t have a son, and my nephew Calvin is only 10 and in grade school. So 13 Reasons Why was the only glimpse I had of how it is to be a higschool kid nowadays.
It seems times have indeed changed, and while the kids today enjoy all the benefits of technology and their gadgets, social media it seems has become the biggest bully of them all.
Last week, I got to chat with one of my friend’s nieces who was visiting from the US. Her name was Ammilyn Deita, but after listening to her story, she might as well have been Hannah Baker.
She was shy and reserved at first, but you could sense her confidence as she answered each questions truthfully, honestly, and without reservations.
I guess the feeling was mutual, as I haven’t sat down with a 13-year-old girl—since well, I was 13 years old.
It was just supposed to be the customary hi and hello, but I guess the “reporter” in me couldn’t resist my curiosity. I wanted to know what real kids are into these days, and not just from Facebook feeds or Instagram photos.
Of course, I asked permission from her uncle even if they were with us at the table enjoying the balikbayan favorites sisig, spicy wings and a platter of assorted “tusok tusok.”
Ammilyn said its only her third time in the country and that she’s been here for three weeks visiting all her relatives.
She says she’s been fascinated by sari sari stores and the street food she sees almost everywhere which is very different from the stores in the US. She’s been to Okada to watch the fountain show and the Venice Piazza and was looking forward to enjoying the beaches in Laiya.
We were talking about how she’d done a couple of modeling gigs in the US– she began ramp modeling through the sponsorship of Kids Dream Design and Miss Philippines USA, in Los Angeles and already participated twice in a Fashion for a Cause occasion held annually in LA.
“My neighbor was Miss Philippines USA 2014, and her mom was a pageant coordinator. She saw me at a neighbor’s party and asked me if I wanted to try it out, and I said yes.”
“It was a fun experience and I never thought it was going to be that hectic and everyone was rushing during the show.”
Asked who are her fave models she mentioned “≈Tyra Banks, Cara Delevigne, Pia Wurtzbach, and to my surprise– Farah Fawcett and added that if given the chance she’d want to be part of the Calvin Klein fashion show and other famous brands Tommy Hillfiger, Levis, Dickies.
Our conversation was going well until I asked her about school life. I heard from her uncle Yugel that she had been a straight A student so I thought talking about school was gonna be a fun topic for her.
I told her the only idea I had about high school was from watching 13 Reasons Why—which was supposed to be a joke—until she told me it was actually a pretty accurate depiction of what’s been really happening in school.
“Yeah. It is like that–and its kinda sad.”
“Is it because of the bullying?
“Yes,” everyone’s joking about everything, but nothings a joke anymore,” If you tell someone “You look ugly,” and they might even end up hurting themselves.”
She said some kids can be really mean, “They’ll tell you “Why don’t you just die?” or “Why don’t you kill yourself.”
And I thought being called “Bob Uy” in highschool was bad enough.
“Isn’t it just just an expression and that they really don’t mean it?” I asked.
“Well it may not be for them but there are kids who might take it seriously.”
She admits being bullied as well– “There were a couple of times, I’ve been told to kill myself, “You should die,” just because I made a simple mistake.
“People say I’m just being too sensitive, but when a lot of people join in and laugh at you its hard not to get affected.
She also shared a story about the school bully who kept taunting and sexually harassing her verbally. He was always in detention but sometimes he even gets physical.
“I confronted him and told him how he makes me feel whenever he tells me to kill myself and he just answered “okay cool do it I don’t care.”
So how does she deal with bullies?
“I guess you have to tell them how they make you feel, others would stop and apologize but there are also those who won’t. Reading helps a lot to keep you from thinking about it. Another is having a close group of friends or getting involved in a lot of extra curricular activities in school also does help.
The sad thing she says is there are students who find it difficult to cope with bullies and are not able to tell anyone about it. “When you tell people that you are being bullied, like the school counselor, it really doesn’t stop, instead you get bullied even more for being a snitch and a tattletale.”
“I guess you just have to learn how to love yourself. Be with people who could build your confidence so that when you are teased that you are ugly and dumb you have a group of friends who could boost your spirit.”
Another thing that helps, Ammilyn suggests, is to find activities that would keep you busy. When she is not modeling, she also does ballet, is into fancy jazz, and even wants to play sports like volleyball.
And when she is alone, she finds refuge in the music of Michael Jackson, Lorde, hiphop songs and everything else—“but please no country music,” she laughs.
She likes singing, which isn’t a big surprise because her father is a music fan and her uncle (her mom Amelia’s brother) sings in a band.
Its not easy being a straight A student; to live up to the expectations of her classmates who know her as a model, to confront bullies straight up and be able to admit and share the story of her emotional struggles, but in the few minutes that we talked I learned so much about the hardships of being a 21st century teenager. I’m just glad we had it so much easier during our time.
Whether Ammilyn decides to pursue modeling, or take up nursing maybe psychology or pursue a career in the arts, all I know that this kid has more than 13 Reasons Why –no one should allow themselves to become Hannah Baker.
